For families who are a part of the sandwich generation, there’s also the double pressure of not only being responsible for bringing up your own children – and the associated pressures around childcare costs – but caring for your ageing parents.
Families under pressure can crack, we all know that. And separation and divorce can be the fallout, with or without the heartbreak of any unreasonable behaviour forming the grounds for divorce.
And, while these are all very adult concerns that can take their toll on us as adults, in the middle of life-changing family struggles – how can you also ensure that you’re supporting your children?
We’re here when relationship problems become too much
When a couple is in trouble and marriage counselling hasn’t worked, many people try and stay together in the belief that it’s better for the children. Sometimes this can work. But what do you do if you know that by putting up a front, you’re potentially making things more difficult in the long run?
It’s a heart-breaking situation in which can feel like you can’t do right for doing wrong. That’s where having outside support can prove invaluable.
If your relationship worries have gone too far, we can help you to access family therapy or relationship counselling that can support you in supporting your children.
A counsellor can support the whole family through a parental separation and, if you decide to go your separate ways, it’s a tried and trusted way of helping children through divorce. We also offer funds to help children who are in further education, if they’re struggling with the situation at home and need additional support.
Impact of divorce on children
Big changes at home create significant changes for everyone. Especially children. On a practical level, when one parent leaves the family home, there’s a whole new routine to get used to.
Depending on contact arrangements, this could mean everything from a child having two bedrooms to sleep in each week to needing two toothbrushes – and remembering to take everything they need, each time they visit the other parent.
On an emotional level, it’s an adjustment on an enormous scale to get used to the daily absence of one parent while living with the other – and not being with one parent without having to be apart from the other. The life that follows a parental separation is significantly different from how life was before.
Helping children through divorce
You might worry about the emotional effects of divorce on children. For children who are experiencing parental separation, emotional problems, loneliness, anger and guilt are all common reactions to the situation at home. These problems can manifest themselves in difficulties at school, college or even university.
All of these emotions are normal and should be expected. But they don’t have to be managed alone because there’s support for helping children cope with divorce.
While counselling services can help you to support younger children, IET Connect also has a partnership with Anxiety UK, which means we can offer therapy to children aged seven and over.
Supporting your family’s emotional needs
When it’s happening to you and your family, divorce can feel like a very lonely place. Especially if you’re in the limbo of waiting for your legal separation or divorce settlement and haven’t yet reached a level of closure. However, statistics show that you’re not alone. According to the Office for National
“There were 101,669 divorces of opposite-sex couples in England and Wales in 2017, a decrease of 4.9% compared with 2016, but similar to the number seen in 2015 (101,055).
There were 338 divorces of same-sex couples in 2017, more than three times the number in 2016 (112 divorces); three-quarters (74%) of same-sex couples divorcing in 2017 were female.”
And with IET Connect you’re not alone either.
The good, the bad and the practicalities of a separation
The worries and concerns that affect anyone who’s separating from their partner or spouse are largely the same. For people who are working – and for stay-at-home or part-time workers alike, the 3am questions are universal.
o Can I afford to stay in the house?
o Will the child support/financial settlement be enough?
o Will I be able to put my children through further education?
o Can I save for my retirement?
o Will I have to get a job?
o How will I afford childcare?
IET Connect doesn’t just provide emotional support for families that are going through a tough time. We can also offer financial, legal, and housing support – and signposting to relevant additional services.
We can help you access:
- legal advice
- health and wellbeing advice
- employment support
- financial support
- benefits advice
- education support
- debt advice
Find out more about how we can help you.
Family counselling - fast
Our counselling grants can help you to fund private therapy, avoid long NHS waiting lists and help you to access one-to-one or family therapy in a confidential, non-judgemental, safe and friendly environment.
They also allow you to choose your own therapist, giving you:
o Control in a situation that can feel out of control and has no guidelines
o Agency to find the right therapist to meet your needs
o A higher chance of finding the right therapist or counsellor to help your particular situation
Our team make it easy to ask for help
The end of any long-term relationship can come as a shock, whether you’re the one who’s instigating the separation or not. Looking to the future on your own can be unknown and scary, with moments of overwhelming loneliness, anger and confusion.
Add to this the fact that many engineers can be introverts and, while easy going, they’re also typically quite private people. If this sounds like you – or your soon-to-be-ex-partner – asking for help may feel daunting and even frightening. Rest assured that we understand your concerns.
You’re not alone
This isn’t an easy time, we understand that. But whether you’re an IET member or you’re the partner of a member, our ability to provide practical support can take some of the pressure off, while family therapy or family mediation for you and your children can help you to gain clarity about your situation.
Find out more and get in touch today.