Breaking up: Tips to get you through

Breaking up with a partner can be devastating.

Whether it’s divorce or separation, there are so many stressful things to consider: childcare (or fur-baby care), custody, finances, division of assets, where to live. And that’s on top of the emotional turmoil.

There’s no doubt that it’s a hugely traumatic time, whether you’re the breaker-upper or the break-up-ee. That’s why IET Connect provides a number of services to members and their families going through a relationship breakdown. From funding towards mediation and counselling to legal advice, if you’re struggling to cope following a break-up, get in touch with us for independent and helpful support and assistance.

Talk through your emotions

Experts say that the emotional stages of a break-up can be similar to those of bereavement. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance can all feature as part of the grieving process. You’re mourning the loss of a partner, so it’s natural to experience any of these emotions.

It’s sometimes difficult to confine strong emotions like these and so you may be worried about other areas of your life being impacted, such as work or your children.

One of the best things you can do is to talk through how you’re feeling. It could help to reach out to close friends and family, but you might not always feel comfortable about divulging your innermost thoughts and feelings.

A trained counsellor or therapist will be able to offer a different perspective and challenge some of your more negative thought patterns. Therapy can help soothe the emotional aspects of a break up by allowing you time and space to acknowledge your feelings.

Move self-care to the top of your list

Eating right and staying active can be the last thing you feel like doing after a break-up. In fact, staying in bed with a tub of ice cream and staring at the TV screen is often a far more appealing choice. Remember to be kind to yourself - in the long run you still need to care for yourself properly.

The same goes for drinking too much alcohol. Whilst it can be tempting to bury our heads in a bottle of wine, the problems are always still there when we sober up. And as a depressant, alcohol can actually make the low feelings stronger.

Lying wide awake at night, thinking about your ex-partner and worrying about how to cope with the future, seem to be a rite of passage after a break-up. But it’s really important to try and get as much rest as you can. If you do have trouble sleeping, you could try asking for an over-the-counter remedy or speaking to your GP.

If taking care of yourself is taking a backseat then get in touch with us. We’re here to listen and work out a solution that will help.

Worried about where to live after a break-up?

The costs incurred by separating couples are skyrocketing to such a degree that “…for a significant proportion of separated couples – 16 per cent – affordability remains such a concern that they remain living together in the same house because they can’t afford to move.”

We feel that costs needn’t be a reason to stay with a partner following a family breakdown. Whether one or both of you stays in the family home, one of you buys the other out, or you decide to sell, wherever you live needs to feel safe and happy, for yourself and any of your dependents (including pets!)

That’s why we offer funding to help members with the costs of finding a new home. Some of this funding can help towards a rent deposit, mortgage/rental payments, temporary accommodation, or the cost of utilities or furnishings.

At such a difficult time, don’t let worrying about where to live after a break-up be another thing to add to your list.

Concerned about custody?

If you have children then a separation or divorce can be particularly tricky to navigate, especially if both parties want custody. Trying to agree where the children will live, how much time they’ll spend with each parent and where the financial responsibility lies is a minefield.

And at the end of the day you want to minimise the negative impact the break-up may have on your kids.

If you’re really struggling to reach an agreement with your ex-partner, you could consider mediation.

Mediation is proven to be a cheaper, quicker and less stressful approach than going through the courts. It has a much more positive impact on the mental health of those involved than the adversarial court-based process. Plus, you can always get any agreement drawn up by a solicitor to make it legally binding.

We have funding available to help towards mediation - these grants are available for both you and your partner.

Legal and financial costs of a break up

Mediation can also help when trying to agree outcomes on other legal considerations such as who gets the car after a break up, splitting any savings and dividing your most-loved assets. After all, you know that the Sony soundbar belongs to you!

If you’re worrying about how much it costs to divorce or that you can’t afford to split up with your partner, there is help out there. Our dedicated legal helpline staff will to advise on all aspects of a break-up.

Alternatively, if you’re in the UK as a dependent on your partner’s visa, then you’ll need to get legal advice regarding citizenship and whether you can stay in the UK.

What help am I entitled to?

The best way to find out what funding and support is available to you after a break up is to get in touch with us. You can be completely assured that our friendly and approachable team will treat your circumstances with sensitivity and discretion.

A relationship breakdown is a really tough thing to go through, but there is light at the end, and you will get through it. Let us help you navigate your way and find resolutions that are best for you and your family.


T: +44 (0)20 7344 5498
Monday to Friday
09.00-17.00 UK time

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